Posted on Tuesday 9 September 2025
Suicide is the biggest killer of men under 50.
That includes men who’ve served.
Men who’ve led.
Men you’d never guess were struggling.
Since April, I’ve seen weekly alerts about missing veterans or concerns for their welfare. Some return safely. Some don’t. And even when they’re found alive, that’s just the start of the journey back.
In April, my brother-in-law Charlie died by suicide.
He was a great father, a caring husband, and a talented farmer.
What the last few months has shown me is that if you’re hearing that voice in your head telling you people would be better off without you, please, hear this instead:
That voice is wrong.
It doesn’t come from a place of calm, where you can think clearly and objectively.
It comes from a place of stress, despair, and feeling overwhelmed.
Ask yourself: when have I ever made my best decisions feeling that way?
The answer is: you haven’t.
The reality is: you matter.
– To your family.
– To your friends.
– To people you haven’t even met yet.
You are worthy.
And in short: none of us, none of us, is better off without you.
After suicide, those left behind often carry confusion, guilt, and questions that never get answered. Not because they’re angry, but because they would have done anything to help.
Because they care that much.
If you’ve worn the uniform, you’ll know this:
Sometimes your shipmate or oppo says “I’m alright” but something feels off.
That’s the moment to pause, hold for a moment, don’t fill that silence, because often, more will come out. If it doesn’t? Then gently ask again.
“No really, mate, what’s going on?”
Some truths we need to face:
🔹 75% of suicides in the UK are men
🔹 Veterans under 25 are more than twice as likely to die by suicide as civilians
🔹 Men are far less likely to seek help
Veterans are often at higher risk than those still serving, or the general population.
Why? I can’t say for certain, but I have a feeling it’s rooted in losing our tribe.
The people who know the shorthand.
Who can read between the lines.
Who just get it, because we’ve all been in the same boat, literally and figuratively.
It’s essential to keep a connection to our tribe.
And we need to protect each other with the same urgency we once brought to the job.
A note worth making:
Women die by suicide too.
The thoughts I’m sharing here are relevant to anyone who finds themselves in a dark place.
But the focus on men, and particularly male veterans, is because the numbers are stark.
Men make up three-quarters of suicides, and many of us, especially in uniform, are raised to bury feelings, to stay strong, to “man up.” We often lack the emotionally open friendships that many women are better at building. That silence leaves us at higher risk.
If you’re carrying something heavy: speak to someone.
If you’re worried about a mate: don’t just text. Call. Knock. Turn up.
And if you say “I’m here if you need me” mean it.
Because when someone’s in crisis, they are hyper-vigilant.
They’ll notice the tiniest hesitation, and it can confirm their worst fears: “I’m a burden.”
To borrow the words of US Army veteran Andrew Jones:
“When you’re overwhelmed by the enemy, you get on the phone and call for help. And when the person you call doesn’t answer, call the next one, and the next, until you find someone who says, ‘Hold your position, man. I’m on my way.’”
Let’s be that person.
🧠 Veteran Support Services
Just like during your service, you have a duty to keep fighting through the dark, a duty to your family and friends. And your shipmates? Trust me, they’ve got your back.